WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
