Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
