so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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