The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
