Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize