@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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