Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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