she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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