bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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