i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
