ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
