I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize