yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize