I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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