I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
