Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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