a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize