I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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