I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
