It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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