Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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