I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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