We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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