please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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