Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
