first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize