Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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