Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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