If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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