Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
