Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize