There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
