This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
