erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All the doctor said was why
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
