I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
