I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize