We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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