I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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