Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
