You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
