Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
