The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
