When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize