well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
