That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
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