okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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