woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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