I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Welp...herpes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
