it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
