Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
