My nipple is on Facebook.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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