well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
