I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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