your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just had sex bonerless
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
