Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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