saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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