he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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