if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
