...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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