her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
