So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i love accidental penises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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