well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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