guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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