my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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