just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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