Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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