I am in a vortex of obligation.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
