Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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