My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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