Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
