I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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