There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
