Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize