I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
